Shortchanged…

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And so, the Malay radio stations have gone on a major revamp. I must say the changes are refreshing from what I’ve heard so far. As expected and noted in my last entry, RZ has returned to where he really belonged. My only complaint on his segment with AuraShai is the lack of listener interactions. Maybe I was hoping too much on the first day, since there were too many songs being played. But ironically, the songs being played were top-notch, straight out from the top drawer. What do you expect when you have the current and ex-music director (RZ was RIA‘s music director when he left for Warna) anchoring the show??? Without a shadow of a doubt, the playlist is of top quality. Hope the show would continue to improve as it goes along. I can only see it moving forward. Likewise the other shows.

I kinda pity Nity Baizura though. I can see that she’s working hard to keep up with Hafeez‘s energy. In time to come, hopefully that energy would rub off and make them a combustible combination just like how Azlin was with him. There is potential in that chemistry. Just that Nity must shed her shyness and have that wee bit of confidence and willing to be daring with witty punchlines. An experienced deejay and a newbie. She can definitely learn the tricks of the trade from him as time goes on. Can’t comment on the other shows as I switch to my Ipod once the Bistro segment is over at 2pm. There goes the “PM the RIA Fanatik” tag… LOL…

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Over the past year or so, I’ve seen instances where friendships have been tested amongst friends and even myself with the people around me. I’ve learnt quite a lot about what it means to be a friend. For one, no matter how much the old adage goes about “friends being there when you need them“, I just find those words overhyped and a whole lot of bollocks!!! Yes it’s true, people too have their own lives to live, and as such we shouldn’t be too demanding and expecting their presence when one really needs them. But when one needs their support at a time when one really needs them and one does not get it and it happens time and time again, one tends to reflect if it’s all worth it to be nice in a friendship. I’m sure you guys would have been in the same shoes as I did.

I hate to sound calculative as it is never a trait of what a true friendship stands for. I’ve always been there as a friend, a joker, a confidante, anything you want me to be, as sincere as much as possible, without asking for any returns in cash or kind. But I just feel as though I’m being taken for granted just because I’ve always come across as cool in the face of adversity. My smiles, my laughter, my practical jokes have all masked the pain I’ve gone through from time to time. People see me as this ultimate joker who can do no wrong nor feel any sense of sensitivity when negativity strikes. But I can’t go through this masquerade and facade any longer. It makes me feel like a damn hypocrite. Sometimes, your own self-conscience is your own best friend.

Am I too nice for my own good??? Or am I getting some payback for some of the practical jokes I’ve pulled off??? Or is it all just bad timing??? If only I have the answers. But one trait of friendship I will always hold on to is to forgive even if people did not ask for it. Cos a friendship is to accept openly one’s flaws and accept the person for what he / she is. I’ve seen friendships tight and taut being snapped and I do not wish to go that path with anyone. Perhaps we all still have a long way to go in understanding one’s feelings and respecting the other for his / her beliefs, me included…

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I had a weird dream last Sunday afternoon as I took a nap. I know many of us have different interpretations of what dreams actually mean. Some say they are just there to spice our sleep, some say they bring messages to us in reality and the most common I hear is that it is an adverse reflection to what we actually dreamt of. For instance, let’s say I dream that I am carrying a child supposed to be mine, and the child is a boy, in actual fact my child is a girl. Well I had such a dream last week prior to my wife’s ultrasound scan last Friday and as it turned out, we hope to cradle our daughter come December. The Prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him and his family, friends and kindred) himself received messages from time to time via dreams.

But that was not the weird dream I was talking about. Well I hope you guys will stifle your giggles and laughter at this dream I wanna share with you guys. It sounds surreal, comedic even and I won’t be surprised if people were to condemn me for making this up, but knowing me, would I lie to you??? This would more or less explain my MSN nick for the past few days. It actually involved the bride-to-be in the upcoming “Wedding of the Year” on 21st and 28th August 2006 and yours truly. Well here goes:

The scene was a hotel suite and I found myself entering it to find her being dolled up for a show. Out of courtesy I waited in the living room along with her minders. Not long after, someone came into the room and said the show was about to start and for her to hurry up. As her minders left the room, she was the last to leave. I took the opportunity to grab hold of her hands and told her I wanted to tell her something. She said, “What is it???” in her polite tone. I replied, “But I’m afraid if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t want to see me again.” She then said, “Ok in that case, then don’t. Just keep it to yourself.” But I said, “No, I must tell you as this is the only time I could do so.”

So I confessed and professed my feelings towards her, feelings I’ve kept inside for God knows how long. I had expected a cold response but I was surprised by the reaction. She actually cried when I was done, held my hands tighter and said, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier???” Upon hearing that, I too cried and felt a tinge of regret that it was all too late as she was getting married to that certain someone soon. I jolted from my slumber and still felt the grip on my hands for a few minutes after that. Told the wife and a few people about it and they all laughed and told me not to daydream and get carried away, seeing what a dreamer I am.

It sounds like something taken out from a novel or drama series isn’t it??? But why am I sharing you this??? Cos I wanna say that through the message I derived from the dream, I am convinced that she is happy with her current choice and that we both are happy in our respective lives with the person we love and it’s never about riches and reputations cos truth be told, she doesn’t need all that to gain a higher pedestal than where she currently is.

I think that’s what the message of the dream was all about. Tears in dreams means happiness in reality and even if I had told her my feelings in real life, it wouldn’t matter at all, just like how many quarters out there who are also in the same boat as me. Her mind’s made up, her feelings resolute and her beliefs strengthened. We should all move on and pray for the best for her, even though many out there are still seething and disappointed with her choice and the apparent veil of secrecy being kept. As for me??? I’m very happy with who I’m with right now…

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For those of you who are abreast with current affairs, I’m sure you’ve heard of this “4 Million Smiles” campaign with regards to the upcoming IMF / WB meeting next month here in Singapore. Rather than telling us to smile, I think there should be a campaign to eradicate selfishness and inconsiderate behaviour amongst Singaporeans. What’s my gripe you ask??? As a regular commuter of our efficient public transport system, it is a complete eyesore to see fellow passengers on the train not giving up their seats to those who needed them especially during peak periods.