Domicile of Da' KRUsader's Mind Crafts…

Perished Dreams…


I know… I know… All of you are wondering why I was mourning since Monday. Most of you would have noted that I was mourning the day Siti got married, since I have been so vocal about my feelings towards her. I had actually planned to put those words “In Mourning…” since last week, just to play along and add some feelings of hurt and disappointment on my part. It was supposed to be a parody of what I felt towards the wedding itself. And I can’t blame most of you for thinking that way. However, what was originally planned to be a prank turned to reality when I lost a dear colleague last Friday.

He was 23, about to end his stint at my work place and looking forward to furthering his studies. A respectful, pious and courteous guy, he was always very amiable when we bumped into each other. We even played football together after work. His death shocked many and a lot of questions were asked as to how he could have passed on at such a young age. The first thing that came to mind was him involving in an accident. But surprisingly even though he was a biker, he suffered his injuries when he was travelling in a car, drove by one of his colleagues.

He was seated at the back of the car on the way home from an outing. From what I’ve heard, the driver lost control and the car turned turtle 6 times somewhere along the Ngee Ann Polytechnic stretch. The driver and two other passengers had minor injuries but the deceased fell into a coma for about two months before finally succumbing to his injuries. The doctor even admitted with the amount of internal injuries suffered, he was “lucky” to still be alive then. I’ve got a feeling his injuries were bad due to the fact that he was not wearing a seatbelt. But whatever it is, it was his time to go. And till now I still cannot forget what a kind soul he was. At times, I do remember the instances and conversations I had with him. Even when I’m alone in the office lifts, I would sometimes be reminded of the times I chatted with him in there as we made our ways to the canteen. I was deeply saddened when I heard his passing last Friday morning that I cried in the office as soon as I entered it.

His funeral the following day was a poignant affair, attended by many colleagues, friends and family members. It was the measure of the man and how he had touched lives during his lifetime that many took time out to attend his funeral. Seeing his calm and smiling face for the last time, made me wonder if I would be like that when my time comes. Seeing how he had left us all at such a young age made me feel afraid and sad that life is indeed short and we would go at anytime. I am no angel, I’ll be the first to admit it. Which is why his passing has strengthened my resolve to be a better person and humble servant to HIM. May Allah bless his soul and place him in Jannah with all HIS close subjects, Amin… Amin… Ya Rabbal ‘Alamin…

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Speaking of the wedding solemnisation ceremony last Monday, I only caught it when I was watching the English news. Even then, the short clips made me sad and disappointed, a sunken feeling enveloping in me. The wife who was on MC, was nice enough to tape the whole razzmatazz for me but I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it. I just did not want the old feelings to resurface again after I’ve long buried them. My wife is my life now and I don’t want to go down that road again. So to keep myself in check, I have refused to watch the tape till now.

Am I secretly bitter??? To some extent I would say yes, with a dash of anger, a hint of disappontment and a pinch of sadness thrown in the mix, what with all the emails and theories that we’ve all been getting regularly in our inboxes. But I’ve learnt to let go, to remain at peace, and to not begrudge what God has bestowed on others. I am at a stage whereby I’m at peace with myself and thankful for what God has given me, a good wife, two good families, loving parents, caring siblings, a good job and a gift which I just received last Saturday which I can’t help but dote on. Life is generally good, Alhamdulillah, so I don’t need any unnecessary problems and emotions to cloud my mind. I believe experience has made the mind more matured in thinking and able to control emotions and feelings as best as we can.

To her, I wish her all the best as she embarks on a new journey in her life, ably assisted by the stewardship of the captain of her heart. May Allah bless their union and save them from any bad deeds and wrong doings towards them.

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You know, after all that had happened in my life, I am beginning to hate the last 2 weeks of August. My late maternal grandmother passed away on 26th August 1986, my late maternal great-grandmother passed on 28th August 1992, I got enlisted to the Army on 20th August 1999, my late paternal grandmother passed on 19th August 2001, my late colleague last Friday (18th August 2001) and she got married on 21st August 2006. So can you blame me for feeling what I feel???

Even though the wife’s birthday is about 5 days away and my niece, who is my current apple of my eye, celebrated her 3rd birthday 3 days ago and I just received that gift last Saturday, I just can’t help but feel the feelings of sadness outweigh the happiness. I just hope in time to come, August would be a better month for me and my loved ones…

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4 responses

  1. Silent Mode

    today is 26 aug. happy bdae. *coughs* i mean happy bdae to ur wife.. (3 days time kan? or 2 days?) hehehe. kak aida happy advance bdae~! muackz muackz to the wife and baby in the stomach.

    talking abt death.. one of my best friend lost her dad last 2 weeks. *gulps*.. and… shida nearly langgar kereta lain time nak belok masuk parking. kalau tak, me dah jemput u 1 family makan free at my house. choii choiii! k take care

    Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 23:37

  2. Amby_OFFsPrinG

    it really juz saddens me to hear when someone dies at such an early age. however, i no its for the beta coz HE knows best.

    anyhow, it was gr8 seein u and ur wife the other day. the lil girl is so cuuuute and intelligent and friendly. sweetness!

    Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 10:31

  3. kak sk

    argggh dont be sad setiap kejadian ada hikmahnya kan, yg pergi tetap kan pergi kita yg hidup terus kan kehidupan dan minta diredhai oleh Allah swt. erm it is easier said than done.right? of cos i know how u feel 😦 anyway jaga diri, hati dan iman yer and opsss yes eid milad to ur lovely wife :))

    Tuesday, 29 August 2006 at 08:33

  4. Silent Mode

    khekhkahka. hello! ni mami jarum kembali. my best friend said ur car very nice. dari jauh dia dah perasan and told her sis. “kereta jantan ni lawa sak” .. haha. cuz that time dia lom perasan yg lelaki yg dia maksudkan tu adalah u. then she fgt to ask apa kaitan u dgn pengantin. LOL. but she told me ur wife very the cute.. and u oso now cute oredi. LMAO! jgn maraa…

    Sunday, 3 September 2006 at 20:04

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