Domicile of Da' KRUsader's Mind Crafts…

Sincerity Can Be A Bane…


I’m beginning to have doubts on myself. My self-belief, my confidence level and morale are at an all-time low. I’ve gone through these kind of periods before in my life and they always stick out in my memory like a sore thumb and I thought I will never have to face them again. Why is it whenever I go out of my way to help others, there will always be those sitting on the fence who would doubt my sincerity to help with no strings attached??? Is it my robust and hands-on approach which is a turn-off??? Is it because I get the job done with no frills and spills that people see me as a threat??? Or do they hate me for being me???

I work not to be given recognition. I help not to gain popularity. I assist not to be hailed as a Messiah. I’m doing it for the love of Islam, for the sake of Ummah, for the betterment of my fellow Muslim brethren. I might be a complete stranger who came in with a bang, but I certainly am not someone who wants to be empowered or be glorified. Neither do I want myself to be recognised for my efforts. A groupie??? That’s even way off target…

Yes, I had expected that things would turn out as they are right now. I had foreseen it right from the start but I had hoped that people would look through it with a wider perspective, which transcends all doubts and distrust about me. It is extremely painful when after what you’ve done to help, you get mud thrown back at your face as a way of saying “Thank you!!!” And when someone doesn’t like you, even a joke would make you look like a bad person in their eyes.

Due to my previous bad experiences, the wife has always warned me to be prudent whenever I go out of my way to help others. Even an old friend told me once never to help others to the point of slaving myself. But like a glutton for punishment, I always get up for more, always putting the needs of others before me. Because why??? Nothing pleasures me more than seeing others happy and seeing that what they set out to do becomes a reality and not mere fantasy.

I apologise if my approach in assisting was wrong as I only know how to do it by being as gentlemanly, direct and honest as I can be. I apologise too if my presence is not welcomed. I do not wish to rock the boat nor the foundations that have been laid. I was merely helping the captain man the oars and letting the ship set sail with a firmer direction. If the men in the galley are opposed to my presence, then I wouldn’t mind walking down the gankplank and jumping off the ship to restore the harmony, spirit and camaraderie of the crew. I would just like to express my gratitude to the captain for letting me have the opportunity to assist all these while. May the ship’s journey be smooth and lead to many new discoveries and adventures in the years to come…

I bear no ill-will towards those who doubt me, my presence, my approach and my gumption to see the plans succeed. As I walk into the sunset, I can only pray that some day they would see that I had helped with sincerity, integrity and honesty.

Advertisements

6 responses

  1. icequeen

    Salams…

    I was reading through your entry and I feel for you. You tried helping yet people misunderstood you. Personally I feel that you should continue to do what you have been doing if you feel that that is the right thing to do.

    I am just a passer, no one important. Just a mere being on this very big planet. What matters is not what others thing about what you do but what Allah knows what’s inside that heart of yours. If you are really sincere, they will realise it one day.

    Tuesday, 19 December 2006 at 16:50

  2. Pujangga Malam

    Thank you for your kind thoughts…
    I appreciate it a lot though it would have been nice to know the person who gave me the encouragement and lifted my morale…

    Perhaps people are alarmed by enthusiasm, something which a stranger could give but existing people cannot fathom on why the apparent interest. I’ve had a few days to think it over. I’d be lying if I say I am not bitter and incensed after the whole thing. O still do, but I’m not letting it get in the way of my intentions to assist and help out in whatever way I can in future.

    I just have to grin and bear with the brickbats for all I can. I guess life’s like that. You have those who like you and those who don’t. There are also ppl who read too much into you that they become too suspicious over minute stuff you said.

    I guess that’s the price one has to pay… 🙂

    Wednesday, 20 December 2006 at 03:36

  3. icequeen

    I am sorry to not have left any information about me… By the way, if you really would like to know the person who had written that little note of encouragement for you, you can visit me @ http://www.love-can-be-pure-and-simple.blogspot.com

    It is never easy to do a good deed. Not only do you have to battle with the people around you, you also have to battle with ‘bisikan syaitan’. These ‘devils’ – may it be in human nature or other wise, are never happy when anyone does a good deed. You have to be VERY STRONG.

    Sometimes, when we really care, we can be a little enthusiastic to hold out a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. If that is how you have been so far, don’t change yourself. Continue being who you are. Till then take care…

    N by the way, your daughter is very pretty.

    Thursday, 21 December 2006 at 00:33

  4. Anonymous

    Salams…
    Hey, i know you…former TPians. 😀
    I was blog hopping when I stumbled in yours.
    Congratulations on your bundle of joy.
    Syukur alhamdulilah.
    She’s gorgeous!
    Welcome to parenthood.
    In other words “Hello diapers and milk bottles!”

    Thursday, 21 December 2006 at 11:49

  5. icequeen

    What a small world indeed…I showed my hubby your message and he sad he remembered you. In fact, he pointed you out to me at Azhar’s wedding. My hubby said you were from TK, is that right? He said he is your senior back then.

    Anyway, salam perkenalan. Is it okay if I link you up?

    Thursday, 21 December 2006 at 19:11

  6. Pingback: Cleanse Your Heart From Suspicions & Ill-Will… « Da’ KRUsader’s Manor™

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s